I have been thinking

I have been thinking and thinking and thinking. When I have not been thinking I have been stressing. I have been doing a lot of stressing. It seems that as soon as I paid for our vacation to Disney World I realized we were broke. That very day Matt found out he needed over two thousand dollars in dental work (another reason why I refuse to go to the dentist). We made the decision to go anyway because what the hell, the kids are only young once and the economy can not be bad forever!
So we are going away on what could be the last vacation we take for a VERY long time. While I have been in a funk over my realization an interesting thing happened, I was offered a position teaching at the girls school. A part time position which would enable Sydney and Lior to attend school more often but left me at a loss as what to do with Akiva and Jordan. That made me think more and stress more but it led to some important decisions. The first and most important decision I made is that I do not want to go back to work. I want to spend as much time with the kids as I can. I always say that I want to spend time with the kids now because they like me now and want to spend time with me. I know there will be a time when this is not the case. I also know that I have to go back to work to some degree. I think that I might be able to see some clients privately to make the extra money we need to make ends meet. The beauty of this plan is that I can do it while the big girls are at school. Hopefully my mom will be able to watch the two little guys while I am working but I am working on a back up plan if she can not.
The second major decision I have made is to pull the girls out of school next year. We just can not afford it. It breaks my heart because they love it but Jordan also needs to start going to school next year and three tuition's cost about the same as an entry level Honda Civic. This decision has been the hardest. I feel bad because Jordan will not get the same opportunities Sydney and Lior did. She will not have the same early Jewish experiences and education, that is the hardest thing for me to deal with. Maybe by the time Akiva is ready we will be able to afford it. I am looking into some early childhood programs that are less expensive and have found a few that will fit the budget. Jordan and I will be trying some out as soon as I order her birth certificate.
I have made some other decisions of late but these decisions are the ones that have been weighing heaviest on my mind. I hope I have made the right decisions for the kids and for me. One thing I know for sure, I need a vacation.