It is killing me

All the decisions I have to make are killing me. Not the little decisions like what's for dinner? or what to wear for the day but the other ones that are lurking everyday. The biggest one is really the school decision. What are we going to do? I know what we have to do, I know what we should do, I just do not want to do it. I would love for the kids to continue at their current school and the school has really been working with me trying to make it work. I just do not see how we can do it and it makes me sad. I think it is the lack of Jewish education that makes me sad. I know that when it comes time for kindergarten Sydney and Lior will be ready, of that I have no doubt. I do not worry about Jordan academically at this point either and well the jury is still out on Akiva but I think he is perfect in every way. My current plan for them (barring winning the power ball) does not include all the wonderful Jewish experiences they were exposed to this year. That is what I will miss. That is what has been burning a hole in my heart and in my stomach. That is what has made this decision so hard. That is what keeps me up at night. That is what keeps me from making that decision.
I have other decisions to make like how to save some of the money that goes flying out of the house. We try not to spend much money but every month it gets harder and harder. So Matt and I decided to cut the cleaning lady down to twice a month and we are probably going to have to get rid of the lawn service. It was good while it lasted but you can not get blood from a stone!
Now I have to get my rear in gear and get back to work, at least for a few hours a week. My plan is to do some work while Sydney and Lior are at school. Jordan is old enough to watch Akiva now so everything should just be fine, I'll just make sure to throw some food on the floor and fill up some sippy cups and make sure to turn off the stove. Cyrus and Kaya will make sure they are OK. Thank goodness I have a backup plan that will not cost me any money initially! Thanks to my mom and Matt who are going to cover me while I try to make a few bucks. Now only if the mortgage company would take princess dollars....